Erectile dysfunction, complex health needs and mental health in BDSM

August 20, 2018 - 18 minutes read

I see many clients who have complex health needs meaning they have multiple health issues that may impact their ability to function either just in their penis or different parts of their body.

Common health issues I deal with include diabetes, erectile dysfunction (including premature ejaculation, inability to achieve and/or maintain an erection, inability to feel any sensation in the penis, inability to ejaculate), cancer, prostate issues, blood pressure issues, Parkinsons Disease, mobility issues due to age or disability and issues with balance to name a few.

I find the key to sessioning with people regardless of their health status is facilitating open, honest communication during the intro discussion while we are initially negotiating the session and during the session as required. The more open, honest and thorough  you can be when we have our presession chat the better the session will be.

Health Check Conversation
During our presession conversation I ask questions of everyone including but not always limited too:

  • do you have full range of movement eg, can you bend over, raise your hands above your head etc
  • do you have any joint pain eg. back pain, knees, shoulder, elbow, ankle, neck pain which is common for people who’ve played sport, worked in trades or sit behind a computer all day. 
  • are you able to get into or hold certain positions for a period of time eg. can you stand with your legs apart or does it hurt your ankles, can you kneel on a spanking bench if you’ve got sore knees etc?
  • are you on any medication and if so what medication do you take? What do you take it for? What are the side effects I may need to know about? How may it effect you during session? Do you know if you need to take it (asthma, epilepsy, angina etc)? 
  • do you have any physical health issues such as high or low blood pressure, are you asthmatic? Have you been diagnosed with any medical condition eg. enlarged prostate, Parkinsons, tremors, vertigo, prone to migraines etc
  • do you have anxiety issues? If you have anxiety can you feel when a panic attack or any symptoms are coming on? Do you know how to deal with it if you are experiencing anxiety and what would you like me to do if you are experiencing anxiety?
  • are you prone to depression? Depending on the content of the sessions this may be explored in detail eg. if you’re doing a degradation session/humiliation session. I also discuss sub drop and the potential after effects on the headspace
  • have you had any medical procedures in the last 1 – 2 months? eg, prostate biopsy, shoulder reconstruction etc
  • have you had any asprin or nurofen in the last week or do you take any blood thinners like Warfarin? This effects blood pressure, if you’ll clot and propensity to bruise which will be explored with you depending on session content.
  • Have you had a cold, flu or sinus issues in the last few weeks? This may effect your breathing, positions you’re put in and how strenuous we allow your breathing to get.
  • Do you have any medication with you that you’d like to leave out in case you need it? eg Ventalin, angina medication, anti tremor meds etc? How do you take it? If you need a glass of water etc let me know so I can have it sitting ready for you if you need to take pills. We then discuss the fact that the session will cease immediately while you take the meds and that I cannot directly dose you Myself. 

I know it sounds like the 3rd degree, but a part a large part of formal training to become a Mistress is on health issues, OH&S etc. It is crucial to ensure the safety of the client and the Mistress and so your session can run smoothly. Without the medical discussion if you had recently had a prostate biopsy and requested anal, catheters or heavy sounding, it could cause some serious damage. If you are on Warfarin which is a blood thinner, you’re at an increased risk of bruising which is important for a Mistress to know if you don’t want bruises. It may effect your ability to clot which is important to know if you want needles. It may effect your blood pressure, so something like heavy restraint with your hands held above your head may not be the option the Mistress chooses to take.

There are reasons for every question we ask and the answers you give will impact on the way Mistress chooses to run the session. There may be more questions depending on your session content and as a result of the answers you give to the above questions. I see a lot of people who have some pretty serious and multiple health issues. It certainly doesn’t mean I won’t session them so please don’t be worried you’ll lose your session. An example may be someone who has diabetes who wants bastinado in session. A Mistress will know that diabetes and bastinado do not work together and will decline the activity and offer/explore alternatives with you. 

I see clients who have Parkinsons, diabetes, have a hernia, low blood pressure and are morbidly obese all in the one package. All of these issues come with physical symptoms that may impact on each other and then when you throw the medications they’re on into the equation it means a Mistress has to be switched on, aware and thinking at all times. It doesn’t mean you won’t get an awesome session by any stretch, it just means you shouldn’t be annoying because Mistress is already concentrating hard enough for 3 people lol.

Having said that a great Mistress will decline doing certain activities or even an entire session with you if they don’t feel they know enough about your health issue and don’t feel confident to move forward with a certain activity. An example may be sessioning with someone who’s just undergone a course of chemotherapy or has a compromised immune system. If a Mistress doesn’t have the knowledge around working with someone with a compromised immune system and the client isn’t able to identify the risks, it’s probably a better idea to decline the session and you should thank Her for putting your health before paying rent.

Erectile Dysfunction 
A lot of my clients have issues with their penises. It may be they cum to quickly, can’t cum, take forever to cum, have limited to no sensation in their penises, can’t tell when they’re going to cum are….. penises are wild and whacky things. I problem solve this issue mainly in 3 different ways…..

  • work out why – are people aware of why they have the issue and the impact it may have on session
  • specialist equipment – I carry a lot of specialist equipment such as a Venus2000, E-Stim equipment, assortment of vibrators, I know over 15 different hand job techniques (and other assorted skill sets we won’t go into lol). Equipment like a Venus2000 used in conjunction with E-Stim devices I’ve found can really assisted with orgasm control and make people realise they can experience a lot of sensation still even if their penis is not erect.
  • find alternatives and refocus session – maybe prostate massage is a better option with prostate milking, help people realise “it’s the journey not the destination”, some people like exploring penis humiliation if their dicks don’t work as they’d like them too, post orgasm torture.
  • Open and honest dialogue and exploring what makes you penis twitch or not twitch and when.

I think the main thing to focus on is the fact when you’ve had an adventure it’s not the cumming or orgasm you remember it’s all the things that happened from the second you got into the shower and the anticipation of what’s to come really began to build, to all the activities in the session, the sensations and feelings you had, the bond you felt with your Mistress, the feeling of trust and giving over.. there’s so much more to a session than a bodily function.

Mental Health
Honesty is always the best policy especially when it comes to wanting to work out psychological issues you may have. I’ve sessioned a lot with people who’ve been tortured in wars who want to reenact some parts of that experience doing certain activities. I’ve sessioned a lot of people who are questioning their sexuality and want to explore that aspect of themselves doing certain activities in session. The presession negotiation and exploration for these sessions will be quite in depth as will after session care. A LOT is negotiated prior to these sessions commencing and it doesn’t work if you’re not completely truthful and willing to engage in the dialogue and self care.

If you are wanting to explore some part of your inner self I’d suggest doing an awful lot of research when looking for your Mistress. The pain from a cane stroke lasts a short while. The pain from exploring your headspace or challenging it can last for eternity. Find a Mistress who has a lot of experience in your type of session. I do these sessions not out of any sadistic drive but because I understand the benefits of being able to explore in a safe environment. When negotiating these sessions I am assessing you as you are Me and if I believe you are wanting to engage in self harm, I’ll decline the session.

I’ve been working as a counsellor and in various other incarnations in mental health in straight land for 20 years as well as having recognised qualifications in Counselling. If I didn’t have that experience and training, I don’t think I’d offer these sessions. I have certain requirements for follow up if you engage in these sessions you are obligated to meet and if I think for a second you won’t meet these obligations I won’t engage in them. I also provide referrals to different safe counsellors and will refer you to one of them immediately if I think it’s more appropriate you see them. 

Finding a Mistress for your session
If you have health issues whether it be a physical issue or psychological honesty is the best policy. I’d ask questions like:

  • do you have any experience sessioning people with……*insert whatever issue you may have”? 
  • do you have any knowledge around ….”insert whatever issue here”?
  • Would you be comfortable sessioning me?
  • Do you have facilities/equipment that will make for a great sessions for someone who has ….”insert whatever here”? It may be E-stim equipment, wheelchair access to the building and showers etc
  • Have you done Touching Base Training? For some people Touching Base is a gold standard for seeing a person with a disability. I’ve done the training but to be honest, I found an apprenticeship infinitely more useful. I think Touching Base training more gives you an indication of people who are genuinely interested in providing the best and safest experience they can so bother to go and do courses and learn as much as they can.

Worried about your penis?
I was speaking to a slave the other day and we were discussing the fact he has no/limited sensation in his penis, can’t get a proper erection/keep an erection and can’t tell when he’s going to ejaculate. He noticed he was having trouble getting an erection to he went to see a doctor. The doctor diagnosed him with diabetes and said he’d probably had it for 10 years and if he’d been diagnosed sooner, he may have kept his penis in tip top shape. If you have any concerns about your penis function please go and see a doctor.

I understand it can be a difficult issue to discuss with a stranger or a doctor but it’s like prostate examinations…. if you’ve got one then you have to get it examined. Women have to have pap smears done which are infinitely painful and many people find embarrassing but we’ve just got to suck it up and do it.

I promise you it’s a conversation your doctor has a billion times in their career so they don’t give it a second thought. Just like you can tell a Mistress you want to have your butt fucked while you suck your thumb and sing Pavarotti at the top of your lungs, while wearing fishnets and red patent leather stilettos with a pirate hat on your head. We won’t flinch and we’ll just get on with it… we’ve heard it all and chances are done it all before. We may find it adorable and endearing though hehehee.

Why does an Apprenticeship take so long?!
It is one of the most common questions I get asked both from people interested in doing an Apprenticeship and from clients. Why? I promise you learning the medical ins and outs doesn’t happen over night!

Most importantly..
Please remember that the vast amount of Professional Dominatrix are not nurses or doctors. Please don’t put that level of expectation on Us when you walk into a session.

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